i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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