who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
