I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do you remember whose house we're in?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
