I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
