Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
