Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
