I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
