This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
