Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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