I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
