ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
