I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
