Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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