My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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