I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Randomize
