sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
