fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
