Can i not drive my cunt home
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
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