I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
