1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
