how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
