Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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