Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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