and my herpes radar will keep us safe
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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