You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
