Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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