i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
