I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
