if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
