so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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