shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
