I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
