My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
