wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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