Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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