That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
