He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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