the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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