funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
