my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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