So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
