There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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