I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
