How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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