TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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