RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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