Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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