hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
