I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
