So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
