No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I could fuck to npr.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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