woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
